Happy Birthday to US!

My family is currently in the middle of what we affectionately call "The Birthday Week from Hell." It just so happens that my eldest son turned eighteen on Sunday, I turned 45 yesterday, and today my Beloved achieves the milestone of sixty. Having three birthdays in one week, and only several weeks from Christmas wreaks havoc with heretofore beloved birthday traditions. It simply isn't practical to go out to dinner at the natal one's choice three times in one week. Or have three different birthday cakes. So, we're slowly evolving new traditions. My ever so patient husband gets the worst of it; by the time his sacred day arrives, we're birthday-ed out, and he barely gets any celebration at all.

I myself had a lovely day. I got emails and phone calls from family and friends back east. My boss sang "Happy Birthday" to me on the phone from his vacation in Vegas. I left work early to do a few errands, then picked up the family and went to our favorite restaurant in Ventura - "The Panda." It's an amazing Chinese buffet with six tables of everything from sushi to pizza to crab. The hostess always remembers #2 son and makes a big deal over him. My family also gave me lovely gifts. One of my favorites is from my husband; a silver necklace with the major symbol from each of the major religions. The woman who designed it was at her booth at "Ojai Day" and I fell in love with it right away. She added another charm with kissing dolphins over the words "ALL ONE." It's very much my philosophy. The names we give God are semantics. If one calls it Nature, or Aum, or Buddah, or God, or Abba or Goddess - does it really matter? We are somehow all created by Something, born with nothing but our hearts and hands and brains. Somehow, the world was created. Does it matter the name we give the Creator? It IS.

Uh oh, my inner existentialist is coming out.

Anyway, back to the festivities - tonight Beloved's present is to not have to cook dinner; so I'm trying to find something appropriate to bring home. He might get one or two other presents as well, if he's lucky.

I sure am.

Justice, Sex, and Weight

Shakespeare's Sister has a post about the 17 year old girl who has been convicted of filing a false report of rape in Oregon.

I'm horrified at the case, and just as horrified, though unfortunately not surprised, by the number of female bloggers that I respect and admire who have shared their stories of sexual assault. Almost every single woman I know has experienced sexual assault in her life. Yes, that includes me, at the tender age of 12, and no, I didn't report it. Who would have listened to me? It was my fault, after all... So I gained a hundred pounds and wore oversized men's flannel shirts and hid behind my hair so that no man would ever want to do that to me again. It worked, for a very long time.

It's interesting that last year, after I had lost 120 pounds and everyone started to tell me how good I looked, I suddenly gained the weight back. Fast. And it wasn't until this summer, actually, that I started to think about why I gained it back that I had a revelation. Even after thirty years, I was afraid. Afraid of myself, and the power sex has over me. I mean, I got over so much; I came to terms with knowing it wasn't really my fault, that sex does not have to be a power struggle, I even learned to trust men again before I was twenty. I thought I was doing well. But since it was my first boyfriend that raped me, a very popular wrestler, two years older than me, for heaven's sake - well, I was thrilled with his attention. He gave me my first kiss, and I was so overcome by fear and joy and wonder and the feelings that flooded me that I literally ran from him, blushing, at the age of eleven. Later, he dated me all of twice, the second resulting in the rape. I enjoyed the attention at first, I wanted him, in that idealistic blind crush that teenage girls have. I loved the feelings inside my own body that he inspired, right up until I wanted him to stop. So now, I discover that losing weight brings back the feeling of headiness, and the fear of my own sexuality and lack of control. It's so complicated. So I went back to hiding mode. Gaining weight to avoid the issue.

Thank God that my husband is understanding, even when he doesn't understand, not really. And that he loves me fat, thin, screwed up or happy.

I'm not even sure, re-reading this post, that it makes sense. It barely makes sense to me. There is so much to consider in any discussion of rape; feminism and power, self-esteem, personal responsibility, differing perceptions of same events. Violence. Inequality and double standards. And that's even before you get to how intensely personal it is to the individual for whatever reason. The one good thing to come out of events such as this is the open public debate. As long as sex is a four letter word and considered as being intrinsically dirty or sinful, these abuses will continue. The more we talk about it the less demonized sex will become, and hopefully those who are abused will be less afraid to seek justice.

I might try to post more on this later, if I can make more sense of the confusion in my head. Feel free to leave your comments.

HR 550 - The Voter Confidence and Increased Accessibility Act of 2005

http://www.rushholt.com/petition.html
No time to post; have so much to catch up on and am not feeling well, but this is IMPORTANT. If our votes do not count, our entire system falls. We must have a voice. I urge you strongly to go read the resolution, sign the petition and write your representative.

EVERYONE should be in favor of fair elections. This is not a partisan issue. DO IT. NOW.

"But I Misunderstood"

But I misunderstood, but I misunderstood, but I misunderstood
I thought she was saying good luck, but she was saying good bye.

Richard Thompson, from You, Me, Us.

There are so many men and women who have gone before us, who have left their words and thoughts, their struggles, the lessons of their lives for us to read. Sometimes instructive, sometimes cautionary tales, the legacy of lives lived can reach through time and help us understand the history that so often repeats itself. Here are a few of my favorites for the current political climate.

"Allow the President to invade a neighboring nation whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such purpose - and you allow him to make war at pleasure... The provision of the Constitution giving the war-making power to Congress, was dictated, as I understand it, by the following reasons: Kings had always been involving and impoverishing their people in wars, pretending generally, if not always, that the good of the people was the object. This, our Convention understood to be the most oppressive of all Kingly oppressions; and they resolved to frame the Constitution so that no one man should hold the power of bringing this oppression upon us. But your view destroys the whole matter, and places our President where kings have always stood."
- Abraham Lincoln, US Representative

"Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else."
- Theodore Roosevelt, Republican President

"It is the duty of every citizen according to his best capacities to give validity to his convictions in political affairs."
- Albert Einstein, professor

"You're not to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or says it."
- Malcom X, minister

"...it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship... voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."
- Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?"
- Mohandas K. Gandhi, lawyer

"What good fortune for those in power that people do not think."
- Adolf Hitler, politician

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."
- Jesus of Nazareth, carpenter

All of these words have been "misunderstood" by the current administration, with the notable exception of the quotes of Goering and Hitler. Bush & Co. seem to have gotten those correct. Please understand that I am not calling Bush and Cheney Nazis. I am comparing their tactics to those of fascists. They think "If we keep them afraid enough they won't question us, so raise the alert level. If we shame them into patriotism maybe they won't notice that their freedoms are eroding, so call dissenters unamerican and strengthen that Patriot Act. If we keep them scrabbling just to keep their bellies full and a roof over their heads, we can do whatever we want, so cut those service programs and get with the tax cuts." And they conspire in back rooms and hide behind National Security.

It's our job, yours and mine, to make sure that they are wrong. We DO think. We need to make sure they don't misunderstand the lessons of much greater men then they. We need to challenge them at every turn. This is not limited to the Bush Administration. It is our DUTY as citizens of these United States to call our leaders to account for themselves at all times, and on all levels of government. Democrat or Republican makes no difference, this is our call to citizenship.

Rant over. I'm going home to read "Civil Disobedience" again.

Big Surprise... To No One Who Knows Me

You scored as Hedonism. Your life is guided by the principles of Hedonism: You believe that pleasure is a great, or the greatest, good; and you try to enjoy life's pleasures as much as you can. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die! More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page... Hedonism 95% Existentialism 85% Utilitarianism 60% Justice (Fairness) 40% Divine Command 40% Strong Egoism 25% Kantianism 15% Nihilism 15% Apathy 10% What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

Cute kid stuff

Number two child has been exploring the nature of humor lately. Being five years old, it tends towards the scatological, and the phrase "butt sauce" has somehow entered our daily vernacular, as have numerous repetions of the two jokes he knows. "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "What are you crying for? It's just a joke!" and "Pete and Repete went on a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?" "Repete!" "Okay, Pete and Repete went on a boat..."

However, while brushing our teeth the other night, he came out with this:

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
He had a popsicle.
He had a great fall.
And everyone had eggs and sausage."

Now, the reason for the popsicle, I have not been able to discern. But the eggs and sausage line had me rolling on the floor.

More later, if I'm able.

My mind has wandered...

I haven't posted in a while. I've been lost in cyberspace with information overload. Perhaps I'm having a mid life crisis. I have suddenly become obsessed with my hippy-dippy roots. I'm shopping green, spending blue and have started thinking tie-dye again. I'm questioning my values, my beliefs, and my faith. These are not necessarily bad things to do, of course.

I guess I have the criminal element in the White House to thank for my epiphany. Without their lies and obscene behavior, I might have just kept plodding through my life without a care. They have forced me to care. They've forced me to wake up, become an activist again.

I no longer trust the media to tell me the truth. I suppose I never should have. That's the problem with a Capitalist system; the one with the most money gets to determine what truth is. Not that any other system would be better; whatever the currency is - power, sex, money, religion - the ones that control the major portion write the histories.

What that means for me is that I can no longer support those companies that have agendas I disagree with. And that's hard. I can't just breeze into Wal-Mart or Target anymore and get everything I need cheaply and run. I have to find places that carry the goods I want and pay more money for them. I have to research companies and see how they spend my money and treat their employees. I have to research products to determine which are less harmful to our planet. It's time consuming, and inconvenient, and expensive.

It is, however, the only voice I have, other than the letters I write to my representatives in government. I'm not even sure my vote has a voice anymore, because of the evidence of election tampering.

So I guess I should thank The Bush and The Dick in the White House. They're quite possibly helping me to improve my karma. It's something they might want to consider in their own lives, because I don't think theirs is very good.

Proud of my Activist Son

Number one son wrote a letter to his school, protesting the banning of red shoelaces. Apparently there's a white supremacist group in the town, and red shoelaces have become their symbol.

He pointed out that banning the symbol will not ban the racist thinking, and that freedom of expression is an important right in our country. He did not, of course, effect a change in their policy; but I am so proud of him for feeling strongly enough to stand up for what he believes. He researched the subject and laid out his argument concisely and coherently. He understood that red shoelaces in and of themselves are not important, but that curtailing our constitutional liberties should not be allowed to happen unchallenged.

I am so proud of him. I am very lucky to have him in my life.

Poor Exxon

From AOL's Business News:

To put Exxon 's performance into perspective, its third quarter revenue was greater than the annual gross domestic product of some of the largest oil producing nations, including the United Arab Emirates and Kuwait. The world's largest publicly traded oil company also set a profit record for U.S. companies by posting net income of almost $10 billion, according to Standard & Poor's equity market analyst Howard Silverblatt.

For the QUARTER?

I don't even know how to comment on that. It's so patently obscene. I'm thinking about the poor sick and elderly who won't get any help with their heating bills this winter. I'm thinking about the people trying to stay off welfare who might not be able to afford gas to get back and forth to work. I'm thinking about our Vice President (stress on the VICE) who has his pockets lined by this obscenity. I'm thinking about Jimmy Carter, who warned and pleaded and was called weak and denegrated for caring about the environment. And I'm mad as hell.

Tidbits

I found these statistics tables, which break things down by red state and blue state. Why is it that there's less divorce and less teen pregnancy in those blue states? Food for thought.

Shakespeare's Sister has a rant on Walmart which echos something I've been working out in my own life lately. I'm trying to spend my conscience. It's hard, sometimes. But BuyBlue.Org is a good resource for finding companies that share your values. Yay... Costco is a "blue" company!

Busy today, so not much here, sorry. Will try later.

Truth In Advertising

"Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else"

- Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States

I am so tired of being lied to. It was bad enough when it was mostly the advertising industry that lied to us, but once armed with the knowledge that it did, one could take appropriate measures. Do your own research, use your dollar carefully. In the arena of politics, however, that isn't possible. As Dr. House says, "Everyone Lies." The media, who should be our first line defense, are now first in line to screw us. Even the actual FACTS are spun beyond recognition. No wonder I have a headach. Blech.

Stuff

Pissed Off Patricia over at BlondeSense has a great post today on the war "No Crime, Criminal or Crony Left Behind. Why did we go to war with Iraq, again? Oh, yeah.

I've recently taken up a new hobby, much to the Beloved's dismay; henna tattoos. I discovered they're easier than I thought, and bring me back to high school, when we would write in ink all over our skin and jeans. Now I just have to find someone to help me with the areas I can't reach myself. A good resource is found at Earth Henna.

I also unpacked another box from our move, which contained much beloved and much missed audio CD's. Heaven! All my folk music, hurrah! Clannad, and Stan Rogers, Bill Morrissey, Vance Gilbert, Maura McConnell and Christine Lavin, on and on. Christine is the focus today; I'm currently listening to Buy Me, Bring Me, Take Me: Don't Mess My Hair (Life according to Four Bitchin' Babes and Christine Lavin Presents: Laugh Tracks Vol. 1. Aside from being a great performer, as even the extremely critical Beloved will attest, she's done a great service to folk music by doing so many wonderful compilation albums to get artist's music out there. Her sense of humor is fantastic.

On the political side, I'm starting to feel like asking "Is it still considered paranoia if they ARE out to get you?" The government is now tracking laser color printers by embedding yellow dots into the print. It's designed to track counterfeiters, but with the lies and abuses of this administration one can imagine the potential for it to be used in all kinds malicious ways. So far, it's only color laser printers, which aren't really so much of a household item; but who knows if it's really limited to that, or will STAY limited to that. Thank you, Patriot Act.

Best wishes to those in New England currently under deluge; and best of luck to Florida with Wilma approaching. Our thoughts are with you.

Why is the Religious Right so afraid?

Power always thinks it has a great soul and vast views

beyond the comprehension of the weak; and that it is doing

God's service when it is violating all his laws.

--John Adams

Hat tip to my beloved for sharing this quote.

I was just wondering to myself how the Christian Fundies currently in charge of our country rationalize things to themselves. We've obviously moved into an Orwellian mode here, where "No Child Left Behind" translates through Doublespeak into "We'll teach every child we deem worthy just what we want them to know, provided it doesn't actually teach them to think."

The entire Intelligent Design crowd wants to turn their back on science and force one viewpoint of the world on everyone. The problem with this, in my mind, is that if they really truly believed God was in control, they wouldn't be so afraid of other viewpoints. Me, I believe there's Something out there. Whether it's a bearded old man on a throne in heaven, or an amorphous energy, or a thousand other variations on the theme - well, it's not for me to know, right? The basis for FAITH is believing in something you don't know. So I have no problem with the Bible story of Creation. I see facts as we can percieve them from science, and they make sense, and I can believe them. I don't see the two (or rather three, as there are two versions of Creation in the Bible) as mutually exclusive. I don't know, I won't know in this lifetime, so I ponder and pray and read and think.

God made it very clear that FREE WILL was an integral element in the creation of Man. He wanted us to think and pray and feel and CHOOSE who we are and what we believe. If He hadn't, there would have been no Tree of Knowledge in the Garden. Those who want to shove religion down our throats want to remove that option. This is behavior fundamentally against God's design as outlined in the Bible.

If they really believe that God makes Himself known to those who search for Him, then they should encourage seeking. They should welcome discussion and argument and thought, if what they really want is their children to find God. But they don't.

They have so little faith in God that they must control the ship for Him. They have so little faith in their children that they doubt their children will find God without them. I believe they also have so little faith in themselves and their ability to do right that they must constantly harp on others to redirect attention from the sin in their own lives.

There is nothing wrong with teaching your child your own particular brand of God. The people I love and respect most in this world are those who have taught their children about God by example. These are people with a strong faith, who live that faith in their every breath, giving without receiving, always accepting others with love no matter the circumstance, never saying a bad word about anyone. That is an education. Children soak that up through their skin.

Those people that surrounded me in my teens never had to limit my exposures, or curtail my thinking; they just showed me in every action what it meant to have a relationship with a Higher Being. I learned from them what it means to love, and in true loving, I learned the rules that I live by.

I met the other type of Christian too; the Bible thumping, condemning, rule based type. The kind that went to church regularly, sometimes even daily. The ones that looked down their nose at a single mother struggling along at the poverty line. The ones that didn't appreciate my lifestyle and made it very clear. The ones that were so kind to my face, but whispered behind my back. The ones who cut corners when it came to their pocketbooks. The ones who lied. The ones who told my five year old that he would be going to Hell because he didn't go to the RIGHT church.

I've studied Catholicism, Judiasm, Buddhism, Hinduism, and even Wicca. I have found pieces of Truth and bits of God in each of them. I believe our perception of God is limited at this stage in our evolution, and that this is why we have so many religions on this Earth. I encourage my children to find God in their own way, because I have faith that God will lead them to Himself eventually, in His own time. Mostly, I believe that God honors the search for Him above all (is that not why he put us here?) and that if we are sincere in our search and truly live what we believe in our hearts, that He will welcome us one day.

Of course, I could be wrong.

Note to self... Buy a UPS

Well, I wrote a nice long post yesterday, only to have the power go out while it was saving. No UPS. Joy. As I had a migraine, I decided I'd rather go home and crash than try to post it again. Was NOT the best day I've had in a while.

I gave up politics for the day, as I had rediscovered my Jim Infantino World of Particulars cd in a box number one son brought in from the stack left unopened when we moved. Yes, we moved to California a year and a half ago, what's your point? Jim Infantino is a folk artist from the Boston area who I had the pleasure of seeing in concert at the Somerville Theater a couple of years ago. He has a unique perspective on people and life that I really enjoy. His voice is raw, untrained, yet it fits his music and his message completely. He sounds like the guy next door just picked up a guitar and sang his observations. Sometimes funny, sometimes haunting, sometimes just fun, his music is like talking to a friend. He also plays with his band, Jim's Big Ego.

I also started, albeit a little late, my annual reading of Roger Zelazny's A Night In the Lonesome October. A light look into the struggle for cosmic balance, as told by Jack the Ripper's dog, Snuff. The book is written with a chapter for each day of the month of October, and I like to read it aloud to my family one chapter each night. There are a few spots that modifications have to be made for the littlest one for language or image, but it's generally fairly light in tone. Zelazny is one of my favorite authors.

As number two son may have strep, things are a tad chaotic at the old homestead, so I may not get back to post for a bit. At some point, I'd like to address Ann Coulter's performance on Bill Maher, but it probably won't be today.

Books/Music/Miscellania

I finally started, albeit a tad late, my annual reading of Roger Zelazny's "A Night In the Lonesome October." It's a short fantasy story, written from the point of view of Jack the Ripper's dog, Snuff. A wonderful lead in to Halloween, it's set up with each chapter being one day through the month of October. I read it aloud to my family, a chapter a night. While there's an occasional word or vivid description I have to modify for the little one, it's mostly a light fantasy.

I also just unpacked from the boxes we still have from our move to California (yes, we've been here for a year and a half, what's your point?) and found my Jim Infantio "The World of Particulars" cd. I have been listening to my hearts content (much to the dismay of those around me, I'm afraid!). I love Jim's voice. It's not well trained, or exceptional, or powerful, yet it's haunting and captivating. He has a great range, but mostly it just perfectly suits his style, and his lyrics, as well as the acoustic guitar. "Thirty-Five Foot Lady", sung acapella, really shows his range. His music speaks to me of that "quiet desperation," the sameness and uniqueness of the human condition. He has a different perspective and an interesting sense of humor. He originates from the Boston area, and plays with his band "Jim's Big Ego." I had the pleasure of seeing them at the Somerville Theater; it was a treat.

I'm taking a break from politics for the moment. I'll read "Crooks and Liars" but the meanness and spite that many of the posts are dripping with lately on the liberal side are making me nauseous, so I'm going to stay away from the heavy stuff.

Chaos

I've been spending my time reading a myriad of blogs, both conservative and liberal. Trying to get a grasp on what is happening to this country. I worry about my children; what will the world be like when they are grown? We need to be VERY careful over the next few years. Watch those in power to insure that our freedoms are not eroded away. Pay attention to the bills before our Congress and be very militant about making sure they REALLY represent our interests. The Patriot Act renewal MUST not take away the freedoms and rights that make our country unique.

It takes work, and it is frustrating, but we can't afford to just blindly trust anymore.

They have NOT earned it.

Thoughts on Service

It's become very frustrating for me to figure out who's telling the truth. Our government lies to us; that's been proven. And of course, I can't even blame that soley on BushCo.; politicians have been lying to the People since time immemorial. Believe the media? I wish I could. I wish they'd do their damn job and report "just the facts, Sir." But since the media is controlled by Big Business, they have an agenda, and therefore are unreliable.

I just discovered a new blog, Main and Central, that gives voice to those who have served our country. I do understand that there are many who have served in the military who are in favor of the war, just as there are those who aren't. I do think that their service entitles them (yes, on both sides) to a little more credibility than others. I am very much looking forward to hearing what they have to say.


As I am having a health issue or two, I may not post daily for a bit. But I do hope to get some feedback sometime!

Two Party System?

How did we ever limit ourselves to a two party system? With the breadth of opinions and the diversity of the American people, how did we let ourselves be limited to Republican v. Democrat?

Even more fundamental is the question of how we allowed our principles to bend to the imperative to win at all costs. How did political correctness dilute our ability to stand and defend our beliefs?

While I'm disgusted with the current administration, I'm even more disappointed in those that I have admired backing down, abdicating the truth in favor of milquetoast civility. Compromise is one thing, but there's nothing wrong with holding to a principle.

I hope the Democrats will have learned a lesson from the last election. Even more, I hope that the voters will stand behind a candidate that one can believe in, that has a view of the future and a plan to make it happen. A little integrity wouldn't hurt either.

Aren't You Tired of Being Lied To?

With so much access to information available from cable, the internet and print media, one would think it would be easy to find the facts in a given situation. It seems to be getting harder. "News" media pushes the agenda of the big corporate Bosses and spins every detail of every story, journalists and bloggers run to judgment and pronounce sentence before all the facts are dragged into the light. Government lies to us over and over and over, until one can scarcely discern the truth when one sees it.

Already we're beginning to see the politicians start their runs for the 2008 elections. It's far too early for us to be having to sort our news through the filter of election bullshit. The next few years aren't going to be pretty.

It's enough to make one run for the Richard Thompson collection and take refuge in the King of Doom and Gloom, just to forget the real Doom rising from the dreck outside on our doorsteps.

Prologue

While I'm trying to figure out how to work this whole bloggy thing, I'd love to hear some of your thoughts. Any stray thought is welcome here. Some topics for your consideration:

The genius of Richard Thompson

The Insanity of the current Regime in the White House

How to overcome the whole Mars/Venus thing

Sex and how to survive, with and without it

I'll be back to consider and parse your wisdom shortly. Have a pleasant visit.